Deacons participate in marriage refresher training

By DAWN PROSSER
Director of Communications
 
Although winter weather kept the diocesan permanent deacons from attending their spring training in person, the men participated in a video conferencing session on marriage last weekend.
 
“Many of you have been engaged in marriage prep,” noted Father Lingle, director of the diaconate. “The training or retraining might have been 25 years ago and it might be time for a refresher. You guys are great resources as you have the church side of things and many of you have been married a long time.”
 
The priest pointed out that a recent training covered the FOCCUS marriage preparation tool and the March 15 training was designed to cover a different angle of marriage.
 
“Some of you are filling out paperwork for dispensations, permissions as well as when marriages and relationships get messy and end up with annulments as well,” Father Lingle said.
 
Father David Esquiliano, canon lawyer and judicial vicar for the diocese, offered the presentation - Marriage: Theological and Juridical Principles for the deacons. In his work in the tribunal, he handles prenuptial cases as well as petitions for nullity, often referred to as annulments.
 
“Whenever there is a question or there’s something different (regarding marriages) people don’t know what to do,” Father Esquiliano said as he opened his presentation.
 
He pointed out that the Catechism teaches a marriage is a covenant “ordered by its nature to the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring.”  Also, a marriage is the union of one man with one woman lasting a lifetime.
 
Prior to the wedding
In order to ensure that marriages in the Catholic Church are properly carried out, the judicial vicar offered what should occur when couples are preparing for the sacrament. In addition to marriage preparFather Esquilianoation sessions, the education of the faithful on marriage needs to begin long before the engagement, according to canon law.

 “There should not only be immediate preparation but remote preparation as well,” he said. “When is the last time you preached about the requirement of couples to come in nine to 12 months before the marriage?” 

Most couples come in to prepare for marriage and are not aware of the timeframe, and priests and deacons should be teaching the faithful in pews about marriage prior to their marriage preparation sessions.
 
Ask the questions
Asking the proper questions while preparing a couple can be paramount to ensuring the upcoming marriage sacrament is valid. Father Esquiliano noted the prenuptial form questions regarding witnesses is important to follow.
 
“There’s the section where you ask two witnesses a series of questions that if an impediment exists, they come forward. They are required to bring it up. That’s the point of the witness section,” he said. “Impediments are related to annulments – something lacking is what renders a marriage invalid.”
 
Examples include one of the intended spouses is already married or is in need of an annulment, a person who took religious vows such as a priest or religious or impotence.
 
“Impotence is sometimes confused with infertility, but infertility is not an impediment. Some may not be comfortable asking about that, but I always ask the couple because if there’s impotence, you can’t fulfill the marital act,” he said.
 
Another impediment is if an unbaptized person wishes to marry a baptized Catholic. However, the diocesan bishop can make a dispensation for the couple.
 
As Catholics need to be confirmed prior to the sacrament of marriage, it is up to the deacon or priest preparing them to ask well in advance of the wedding if the Catholic parties are confirmed. A bride or groom may need to participate in OCIA before the wedding can take place.
 
Consent
The deacons were also urged to ensure that there is proper consent from the couples before entering into the marriage. He said if one party is somehow incapable of consent, then they are “incapable to contract a marriage.” Situations impeding consent could include age, mental illness or they didn’t understand marriage.
 
“Ignorance can also render a marriage invalid. People should know at least that marriage is a permanent partnership between a man and woman for procreation of offspring. Once someone reaches puberty, we assume they understand that,” the priest explained.
 
The intended bride and groom cannot give consent to marry if one or both is under the influence of alcohol or a controlled substance at the time of the wedding.
 
“That’s why the practical advice is saying no drinking during the pictures before the wedding,” Father Esquiliano said. “They couldn’t consent (if drunk) and there wouldn’t be a marriage.”
 
Fear of violence is another case where deacons or others involved in marriage preparation need to ask questions to ensure both parties truly consent to the marriage. Situations could include the woman is pregnant and she is afraid of her parents’ reactions or if a couple is forced to marry by a parent due to a pregnancy or other issue.

 Father Travis Crotty celebrates the sacrament of marriage“That’s why those questions are important – are you entering into this marriage freely and without any pressure? And those questions are to be asked individually, never with both parties in the same room. If there’s fear, we need to hear that and then the marriage cannot take place,” he explained, stressing that it is the job of the person preparing the couple to ask the questions. 

Permissions
Father Esquiliano pointed out how the marriage ceremony is celebrated is very important regarding validity of the sacrament. This is especially significant in the case of deacons presiding over a wedding in the church.
 
“If you deacons are going to witness a marriage, your pastor has to sign a delegation for every single marriage before the wedding. You are granted delegation by the pastor or the wedding would be invalid,” the priest said. “If a retired priest or visiting priest is going to celebrate the wedding, the pastor has to grant delegation.”
 
If a deacon is asked to prepare a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic, it is referred to as a mixed marriage, but the bishop, vicar general or judicial vicar can give permission for the sacrament to take place.
 
“The condition is that the Catholic party is prepared to promise to do everything in their power to raise the children in the faith,” he said, noting prior to 1983 both parties would have to sign a document making this promise.
 
Weddings must be held in a place of worship and dispensations for weddings on beaches, farms or other places outside of a worship space will not be granted. Also, a couple can’t have a wedding in a Catholic Church and then a second ceremony in another faith tradition’s church or some other location.
 
Timeliness in returning the prenuptial documents such as the pastor’s delegation is very important, especially in the cases of preparation conducted in the Diocese of Sioux City and the sacrament occurring in a different diocese.
 
“Send the documents to use and we will forward to the (other) diocese,” he said, pointing out that the prenuptial paperwork should be sent to the tribunal three months before a wedding outside of the diocese. “Don’t send two weeks prior – there won’t be time.”
 
Decrees of nullity
The priest pointed out the elements ensuring a marriage is valid are often the elements examined in petitions for nullity of a marriage. Tribunal judges will look at consent, proper permissions and other factors at the time of the wedding.
 
Knowing what makes a marriage invalid can also assist the deacons in helping parishioners with nullity paperwork as well as ensuring couples enter into valid marriages.
 
Despite the various ways that a marriage could be rendered invalid, unless there is a request to investigate the marriage in the case of a nullity petition, the church assumes marriages are indeed valid “until proven otherwise,” the priest said.
 
“For example, a Lutheran who was previously married in the Lutheran Church wants to marry a Catholic. I’ve heard deacons and priests say they don’t need (an annulment) because they are not Catholic. There’s always the presumption a marriage is valid,” he said.
 
To begin a case for nullity of a marriage, parishioners should first contact their pastor to initiate the process.